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My first band was a short-lived (but long notorious) punk band called Third Trimester Abortion. My second band was a rap group (also notorious) called Hotsauce. We recorded, like, 30 songs. Ask, and I’ll send you some. Third band was a country group that never got off the ground called, Kissin’ Cousins. Kissin’ Cousins had songs like, “You Crashed a Plane into the Twin Towers of My Heart,” and, “She Left Me for our Son.“

Now, I have determined the next band I start will be called, Moonwolf.

Moonwolf is a shitcore metal band that only plays covers of Xfactor1 and Bobaflex. Our band t-shirts are made from shirts we buy at Walmart and Goodwill that have wolves and Moons printed on them.

Try to come up with something better than that. I dare you.

Starlight Girls are a female fronted four piece group from Brooklyn, New York who play music that fuses different genres from previous decades into something new.

Yeah, I know what you are thinking. I thought it too before I started listening to this EP.

Hipster douche baggery.

I can’t say anything about them personally, but I do know this…

This is great music!

Starlight Girls sound like the soundtrack for a B-Movie sci-fi/horror flick from the ’50s mixed with 60’s surf rock with some jazz flute thrown in. Organs, flute solos, breathy vocals; it all melds perfectly together for a uniquely pleasurable listening experience. My first thought was that it would be great to put on a mix tape for a Halloween party. But after listening more and more, I feel it’s good for anytime; sticky-hot Summer nights, frozen Winter spiced-rum parties… there is a lot of stuff going on in the music that evokes different things. It’s not terribly, technically amazing; but the composition is neat. I hear new and different things each time I listen.

Unfortunately, their only Ohio tour date is towards the end of March in Cincinnatti. I don’t know, maybe Columbus (the “Indie Art Capital” of the Midwest, with the largest college in the country) should be amended into that tour. Just sayin’. I mean, Kobo or Circus or Ace of Cups would be absolutely great places for Starlight Girls to play. Hint Hint

Here are a couple tracks (posted with permission)

and a video!!!

Starlight Girls – Gossip from Black Sundays on Vimeo.

Starlight Girls are releasing a 7″ EP on February 1st. I hope to get my grubby hands on a copy.

They also are working on a full-length album to be released… sometime. I’m not sure if a date has been announced yet.

Ray Ray’s Hog Pit is located on the corner on Pacemont and High street, in the parking lot of the Super Food Mart on Friday’s Saturday’s and Sunday’s. The rest of the week, the trailer is hidden in a secret location known only to a chosen few.

I’ve been eating regularly at Ray Ray’s for about 8 months now. It is my lunch on most weekends. I am currently the Mayor of Ray Ray’s on Foursquare, and have been for some time. I love it. Everyone I know that has been there loves it. You should love it too.

The menu is simple, self explanatory, and with out pretension. There are three regular sandwiches; Beef brisket, pulled pork, and Carolina pulled pork. All three are amazing, but the Carolina is definitely my favorite of the three. The vinegar-based sauce is delicious, and the cole slaw slopped on the meat adds a creamy texture and counterweight to acidity.

Ray Ray’s also occasionally offers specialty sandwiches like smoked turkey and most recently, burnt-end beef brisket. If you ever get the chance to eat the burnt-end brisket, you will slap your thigh and exclaim, “GAWD DAMN!” This is absolutely true. One of the best sandwiches I’ve ever had.

On Sundays, Ray Ray’s sells a grain-fed beef brisket sandwich with a Dogfishhead Ale sauce (mustard based?) that will make your knees weak.

The ribs come in a sample size (3 ribs, split into 6) as well as half and full racks. There is literature posted on the side of the trailer about why the ribs are pink in the middle and how ribs are supposed to be cooked. It’s all genius, and the ribs are some of the best I’ve ever had.

There are several different sauces available to choose from. Sweet BBQ, Jalepeno, and Habenero. All are wonderful, although everyone seems to have a favorite.

The sides are definitely worth mentioning too. The Mac and Cheese is absolutely killer – someone told me they throw it in the smoker (I don’t know if that is a fact) and you can taste it. Possibly the best mac and cheese I’ve ever had that I didn’t make myself. They also serve collard greens, cole slaw, and baked beans. The collard greens are good, a bit salty, but you’ll have that.

Ray Ray’s also has deserts in the form of banana pudding that is excellent. Drinks are glass bottles of ginger ale, birch soda, and mellow tea. Music is almost always reggae – and strangely doesn’t seem out of place at all.

Prices are cheap for the serving size and taste-value of what you get. For example, the pulled pork sandwich is only $4 and you won’t find a better one in Columbus.

Here is their Facebook page, which is updated with whatever they’re cooking up for the weekend.

A few weeks ago at my “real” job, we got a new General Manager. He’s alright, but he keeps the radio on WNCI so I have to listen to the same 6 gonad-shriveling, soulless, songs every hour with themes and lyrics so banal and impotent that I place great doubt into the future of humanity.

This is Part 2 of an ongoing series.

Eminem and Royce da 5’9 had a great song on Eminem’s first album.

This… this is a travesty.

The duo teemed up with Bruno Mars to create something ball-less, weak, scrotum shriveling, pussified, phoney, fake… just terrible.

Emimen was once considered to be the best rapper alive. What the hell happened?

He sounds either like he’s drunk or just phoning it in.

The chorus is so banal that it makes me wish I had an adorable baby otter nearby to strangle.

Bad Meets Evil feat. Bruno Mars – Lighters [Official Video] [HD] from D.T. on Vimeo.

A few weeks ago at my “real” job, we got a new General Manager. He’s alright, but he keeps the radio on WNCI so I have to listen to the same 6 gonad-shriveling, soulless, songs every hour with themes and lyrics so banal and impotent that I place great doubt into the future of humanity.

This is Part 1 of an ongoing series.

The first is a song that I first thought was either a Japanese poptart debuting in the U.S. or a weird Alvin and The Chipmunks techno mash-up. I didn’t really listen to the lyrics at first as I had more important things to do. When I did finally learn to understand the squeaky/robotic vocals I learned that the singer is indeed female, and just wants to fuck everything and everyone but feels so darn trapped due to the restraints society or her parents or whoever are putting on her.

I thought to myself, “Gee, didn’t Britney Spears cover this bullshit ten years ago?”

I guess she still feels like she’s supposed to be a Little Goody Two-Shoes after 2 kids, flashing her pussy, two failed marriages (one lasting a day), public intoxication, and… you get the drift.

She seems to have finally given up on pretending that she has a singing voice and gone over to the Autotune bandwagon. Why do pop singers even exist? There really only needs to be one singer who just sings on autotune and is remixed in to various songs created in the studio on a computer. Record companies would make a fortune, idiots would still have their favorite music, and jobless pop stars would go back to doing what they were born to do. In this case, have 8 kids from 7 different men, while sharing a mobile home with their sister and parents.

Scarlet and Grey Cafe is a campus institution that’s been around for a while. 8 years, according to their website. Just a block North of Lane Avenue, the bar has cheap drinks, nightly specials, live bands, and on Tuesday nights, open-mic comedy.

Open-mic comedy is hosted by Cory Baxter; who looks like a cross between Lemmy from Motorhead and a redneck speed dealer. I’m sure this is intentional. He’s pretty funny, especially his bit about doing meth his buddy found in an alley.

Comedy-wise, it’s open mic, so it’s generally piss-poor. Fat lady making fat jokes, Nerd making nerd jokes, random d-bags trying to tell jokes with no punch-line, etc. Now, while that is a very critical note, it takes a lot of courage to get up on stage and try to make strangers laugh at your jokes. I have a great deal of respect for ANYONE who has the balls to do open mic night.

Highlights were a girl whose name I can not for the life of me remember who told a rather funny suicide joke, and Bob Cook, who for all intents and purposes is the best comic in Columbus. He’s a pro, and does these open mics as basically practice and to try out new material. Then there is The Devil. This old-timer has been around FOREVER. Before the comedy begins, he plays a one-man cover set under the pseudonym of Flatt Rascal. His covers are all about 30 seconds to a minute long, and he sings them ala Will Farrell pretending to be Robert Goulet. The Devil is a fixture at Scarlet and Grey Cafe.

Of special note was the bartender, Amber. Noteworthy not so much because she’s pretty (okay, she’s gorgeous) but because she is actually a good, if not great, bartender – on Campus, no less. The place was pretty crowded but she remembered my name immediately, she didn’t let anyone wait for drinks, and she is friendly and talkative. You don’t get that too often on campus, or anywhere for that matter, especially from female bartenders. Usually that kind of attention is reserved for regulars, but we had never met before and I haven’t been to Scarlet and Grey in a year or so. Needless to say, I was pleased as punch with her service.

Tuesday nights also has $1 PBR and Miller Lite drafts as well as $2 well drinks. No cover charge, but they check IDs at the door. They also serve food, so you can have some munchies with your booze.

2203 N. High St.
Columbus, OH 43201
614.291.2347
Mon-Tue: 4p-2a
Wed-Sat: 4p-2:30a
Sunday: 5p-2a

This would have been a proper review of the Get Right dance party thingamabob, however, I wasn’t able to attend. Yes, sad faces all around. Transportation difficulties kept me from cutting a rug.

However, intrepid journalist and object of my jealousy for her wordsmithing skill, Erica Strauss sent me the following text message from the event;

“Dude this get right is so fun”

Short, sweet, to the point. Wish I could have been there.

By the way, I wasn’t being sarcastic at all about Miss Erica’s writing skill. I am also very jealous of her day job.

Last weekend I attended the Food Cart Festival at the Columbus Commons with Natalia of We Are Glitterati. It was the busiest I’ve seen Downtown with the exception of Red, White, and Boom. This is not necessarily a good thing.

The concept is awesome. A bunch of food trucks (not the boring gyro/brat types) all in one area with beer, live music, and various booths of community minded businesses. Like a smaller Comfest, really.

Looks good on paper, not so much in execution.

The event was to last from 6pm – 10pm. More than half the food trucks were closed due to running out of food by 8pm. The lines for food easily lasted an hour. Herds of people were tripping over each other to shuffle anywhere as about half the Commons was cut off from the event by barricades (no doubt because of the alcohol).

Much like Comfest, the bloat of too many people is what hurt this festival.

Because so many of the food trucks closed early, the ones that remained open saw even longer lines. Many people were leaving without getting anything to eat because they refused to stand in line for an hour or more.

Ray Ray’s Hog Pit was advertised for the event but wasn’t there; after talking to one of the Ray Ray’s guys (not Jaimie, the owner), I was informed that Ray Ray’s never agreed to be there at all and wasn’t even contacted. Interesting.

For the live music, there seemed to be a preponderance of hip hop (no issues with that) but the closing band was a cover band. A pretty good and lively cover band, but still. I will hand it to the cover band though; they got white people to do the “drunk white person dance,” you know the one; girls in peasant skirts swaying jarringly with their arms in the air.

Jeni’s Ice Cream truck was the only one we visited as it had the smallest line (not because no one was buying Jeni’s, but because it was moving the fastest). I tried the Goat Cheese and Cherry for the first time and it was divine. It tasted like a combination of cherry cheesecake and a girl in her early twenties. Delicious.

I’m not sure what to suggest to improve the festival for next year. I like the idea of a food truck festival as the food trucks in the town are pretty amazing. It’s good for all of these small business owners, it’s good for downtown (Dirty Frank’s and Little Palace were packed), and it’s good for people to just get out of the house and do interact with other people. But all of this is limited when you can’t get the food you came to get, and you can’t move or talk due to the oppressively large crowd. How do you fix that?

Check out the We Are Glitterati blog, Facebook, and Twitter pages.

After a brief hiatus, I am back. You’re welcome.

I’ve noticed that there has been a surge in popularity of dubstep in this City. For those unfamiliar with dubstep, here is my loose description; techno with heavy bass, rapid even sudden changes in tempo, and lots of weird shit going on.

This popularity reminds me of the techno boom of the 90s. Remember that? I’m not talking about Moby or Fatboy Slim of the late 90s. I’m referring to the movement that started with the Mortal Kombat movie soundtrack. Yeah, there were lots of electronic musicians and bands before then, but the release and popularity of that soundtrack really put electronic music on the mainstream map.

Dubstep groups tend to use the old techno props of hoods, masks – anything to hide the identity of the programmers/DJs. I’ve never really understood this.

On the other hand, the rise in popularity of dubstep (every time I hear or read the word, I automatically think of Jamaican music) doesn’t seem to have a notable flash point. It’s just grown. Shoot, we have like 15 dubstep shows/events/club nights a month in this city right now.

I wonder when the Dubstep Bubble will pop. Because it will.

In the meantime, check out roeVy. They are suitably weird, interesting, and put on a good show. Laser eyes, dudes. Laser eyes.

There was an excellent turnout at Hotel War‘s CD release show at Skully’s last night. The hippest kids in Columbus were there; and there are a lot of the buggers.

Opening act Strangers in Daylight were a pleasant surprise. A standard three-piece, their unfortunately short set was fun, lively, and got a decent amount of people to the dance floor. It helps that they seemed like they were friends with everyone in attendance, but that’s Skully’s for ya. I look forward to seeing Strangers in Daylight again in the future.

Burglar, of course, got all the women dancing. Which was amusing to watch because all of the “cool” hipster guys wear standing in a semi-circle, encasing a horde of young, fashionable females grooving on the dance floor. The sweet sounds of the lovely and gorgeous Lindsay Ciulla‘s mellophone and the sultry and dripping-with-sex appeal singing of Mehgan Hutchinson melded perfectly with the percussion of Drum Guy, Upright Electric Bass Dude, Guitar And Sometimes Vocals Guy, and Keyboard Dude. I’m not trying to be a jerk guys; but you are honestly not what I or any other straight guy is paying attention to when we see Burglar play. However, you will be happy to know that every single girl I know says things that I can not mention here about you. Suffice to say, they find all of you to be very handsome fellas and would like to do naughty things with you. So there ya go.

Couldn’t stay long as I had to rapidly travel to Kobo using Columbus’ red-headed stepchild of public transportation – the COTA bus. The Spruce Campbells were closing out Kobo and I told a couple people I would be there.

Not enough is said about Kobo. I think the sound at the old Oldfield’s on High is superior to most (if not all) bars in town. Unlike some other more prominent places, the vocals don’t get drowned out, the balance of guitars, bass, drums, etc isn’t all out of whack, and the acoustics of the room just seem better.

Anyway, the Spruce Campbells killed it. Unfortunately, it was late so the crowd was small (but still good for the late hour). Some pre-set jamming to Rush by Chris Cheeseman the drummer and guitarist Matthew Forney was welcome (and amusing). Chelsea Moore‘s and Jason Kusowski‘s vocals complimented each other perfectly. The band seemed to be having fun, and that translated to the crowd; there was dancing and smiles everywhere. Chelsea tells me that she has no groupies, and I think this is an absolute crime. With her voice and looks, she should be beating dudes off with a stick.

Also in attendance at the Spruce Campbells show was Scott Ball (accompanied by his lovely fiance) of the tragically defunct Asthmo. Few people probably remember Asthmo, but they were good. Real good. However, their demise brought about The Nuclear Children, which begat the Spruce Campbells (which is apparently going to give birth to a bouncing Barker’s Beauties at some point). Sometimes it’s weird how everyone in Columbus is connected. Also, you just got a short lesson in some Columbus indie band history.

You’re welcome.

Essential Music Videos – 90’s Indie Rock