Month: September 2011

A few weeks ago at my “real” job, we got a new General Manager. He’s alright, but he keeps the radio on WNCI so I have to listen to the same 6 gonad-shriveling, soulless, songs every hour with themes and lyrics so banal and impotent that I place great doubt into the future of humanity.

This is Part 1 of an ongoing series.

The first is a song that I first thought was either a Japanese poptart debuting in the U.S. or a weird Alvin and The Chipmunks techno mash-up. I didn’t really listen to the lyrics at first as I had more important things to do. When I did finally learn to understand the squeaky/robotic vocals I learned that the singer is indeed female, and just wants to fuck everything and everyone but feels so darn trapped due to the restraints society or her parents or whoever are putting on her.

I thought to myself, “Gee, didn’t Britney Spears cover this bullshit ten years ago?”

I guess she still feels like she’s supposed to be a Little Goody Two-Shoes after 2 kids, flashing her pussy, two failed marriages (one lasting a day), public intoxication, and… you get the drift.

She seems to have finally given up on pretending that she has a singing voice and gone over to the Autotune bandwagon. Why do pop singers even exist? There really only needs to be one singer who just sings on autotune and is remixed in to various songs created in the studio on a computer. Record companies would make a fortune, idiots would still have their favorite music, and jobless pop stars would go back to doing what they were born to do. In this case, have 8 kids from 7 different men, while sharing a mobile home with their sister and parents.

Scarlet and Grey Cafe is a campus institution that’s been around for a while. 8 years, according to their website. Just a block North of Lane Avenue, the bar has cheap drinks, nightly specials, live bands, and on Tuesday nights, open-mic comedy.

Open-mic comedy is hosted by Cory Baxter; who looks like a cross between Lemmy from Motorhead and a redneck speed dealer. I’m sure this is intentional. He’s pretty funny, especially his bit about doing meth his buddy found in an alley.

Comedy-wise, it’s open mic, so it’s generally piss-poor. Fat lady making fat jokes, Nerd making nerd jokes, random d-bags trying to tell jokes with no punch-line, etc. Now, while that is a very critical note, it takes a lot of courage to get up on stage and try to make strangers laugh at your jokes. I have a great deal of respect for ANYONE who has the balls to do open mic night.

Highlights were a girl whose name I can not for the life of me remember who told a rather funny suicide joke, and Bob Cook, who for all intents and purposes is the best comic in Columbus. He’s a pro, and does these open mics as basically practice and to try out new material. Then there is The Devil. This old-timer has been around FOREVER. Before the comedy begins, he plays a one-man cover set under the pseudonym of Flatt Rascal. His covers are all about 30 seconds to a minute long, and he sings them ala Will Farrell pretending to be Robert Goulet. The Devil is a fixture at Scarlet and Grey Cafe.

Of special note was the bartender, Amber. Noteworthy not so much because she’s pretty (okay, she’s gorgeous) but because she is actually a good, if not great, bartender – on Campus, no less. The place was pretty crowded but she remembered my name immediately, she didn’t let anyone wait for drinks, and she is friendly and talkative. You don’t get that too often on campus, or anywhere for that matter, especially from female bartenders. Usually that kind of attention is reserved for regulars, but we had never met before and I haven’t been to Scarlet and Grey in a year or so. Needless to say, I was pleased as punch with her service.

Tuesday nights also has $1 PBR and Miller Lite drafts as well as $2 well drinks. No cover charge, but they check IDs at the door. They also serve food, so you can have some munchies with your booze.

2203 N. High St.
Columbus, OH 43201
614.291.2347
Mon-Tue: 4p-2a
Wed-Sat: 4p-2:30a
Sunday: 5p-2a

This would have been a proper review of the Get Right dance party thingamabob, however, I wasn’t able to attend. Yes, sad faces all around. Transportation difficulties kept me from cutting a rug.

However, intrepid journalist and object of my jealousy for her wordsmithing skill, Erica Strauss sent me the following text message from the event;

“Dude this get right is so fun”

Short, sweet, to the point. Wish I could have been there.

By the way, I wasn’t being sarcastic at all about Miss Erica’s writing skill. I am also very jealous of her day job.